Home Alone

Once again I have been single parenting all week while Jeremy is on business travel.

Here's some of the highlights:

• Jeremy leaving for the airport at 6am without telling me Anden was still outside
• Frantically tearing apart the house looking for Anden
• Finding Anden playing in the street
• Scrambling to get kids/backpacks/laptops/toys/breakfast/arms/legs in the car
• Getting STRUCK by the stomach flu while driving to sitter's house/work
• Hobbling into work while holding onto the wall to prevent fainting.
• Laying down in my office chair all day praying for relief.
• Leaving work, packing kids and belongings back into the car while tightly clenching both ends of my body from any unwanted explosions.
• Having the bug man unexpectedly pull up the same time I arrived home.
• Dragging kids/backpacks/snacks/sippies/laptops/grocery bags/lost shoes & toys into the home while bug man impatiently waits.
• Fighting with 2 kids and THREE big dogs (yes I'm dog sitting for Kathy/Larry as well) to stay outside during the inside treatment.
• Same as above but now to stay inside during the outside treatment.
• Losing my mind and thus barking at the children and hollering at the dogs.
• Finding Taylee happily sitting in the dog's big water bucket in her clothes and shoes.
• Rushing inside to get Taylee new clothes before bug man sees her.
• Coming back outside to now find Anden in his clothes in the same dang water bucket.
• Threatening both children to sit still until I return with swimsuits.
• Chasing dogs back inside after they escaped during the commotion.
• Coming back outside with swimsuits and towels only to find Anden butt naked on the patio watching the bug man spray the yard...10 ft away.
• Finding Taylee sitting back in the stupid bleeping bucket.
• Apologizing to the bug man for the nudist display and sending him on his way.
• Dragging wet naked children back inside and slipping on the tile.
• Hearing the doorbell ring.
• Yelling to Anden to put on his swimsuit NOW!
• Answering the door with a fake smile only to find a surprise visit from my church Visiting Teachers.
• Asking them to hold on a sec while darting back outside to force my nudist son into proper clothing.
• Dying as the Visiting Teachers watched from inside the house.
• Scrambling to catch Taylee as she and her ghetto booty swollen diaper darted away from me.
• Annoyingly trying to communicate with the adults as my children become Satan's children.
• Watching in horror as Anden hurls every object in the room, including himself onto our guests at various times throughout the 30 minute visit.
• Abruptly excusing myself to drag my new found terror child into another room.
• Holding back my tears of frustration, embarrassment.
• Praying that the guests will see my obvious lack of parental control and simply leave.
• Still praying they will leave....
• Still praying...
• Gladly ushering them to the door and locking it behind them.
• Turning around to find my now angel children quietly sitting and playing together.
• Rushing to the bathroom for another flu session.
• Debating if I should ever come out of the bathroom.
• Debating ceased when children found me.
• Loading the kids up for the water park.
• Realizing I'm a fool to take 2 little non swimming non fearing kids to a water park with only one adult.
• Barely bringing home the same amount of kids that I brought to the water park.

And this all occurred on MONDAY...by 5pm!!

I assured myself the week could only get better!