Just another normal day

Each day we set out after our morning prayers

in hopes of a normal day.

However "normal" usually doesn't exist in our world.

There's always something

unexpected

funny

crazy

stressful

That's just how we roll.

So the other day about 6pm we decided to ride quads

over to the splash pad for a quick cool off.

We all quickly changed into our swim gear.

I pulled out Anden's quad and got it running.

Taylee decided she wanted to ride with us too.

So the 3 of us piled onto the child size quad.

Anden driving.

Taylee smashed in the middle with no view other than Anden's back.

Me in the back,

with my arms securely around both kids,

while clutching onto Anden's microscopic stomach.

As we're driving there I thought gosh it actually feels

somewhat "cool" out here with the breeze billowing

through my swim cover up.

Then I realize...

it's a little too breezy

and a little too free.

hhmmmmm

Then it dawns on me

O.M.G.

I don't have a freaking swimsuit on!

I somehow forgot to put it on

before I put my swim cover up on

because of the screams resonating from the other room that

Anden was teasing Taylee.

So in panic stricken horror,

I decide to just play it off.

Nobody will notice.

We're only going to be 30 mins.

As we round the corner approaching the park,

the quad suddenly starts sputtering.

No. No. No.

And quits.

Right there in the middle of the sidewalk.

I attempt to start it several times

(my mechanical skills involve continually pushing the start button)

and pretend to maneuver some wires as if I know what I'm doing.

Nothing.

You have GOT to be kidding me.

Of course this would happen

while I'm trying to discreetly hide my new commando style.

Well by now the kids have jumped off 

and are almost up to the park.

I yell to them to come back

cuz we're pushing this bad boy home

while my naked a$$ hangs out the back.

The drive to the splash pad is at most 5 mins.

Going 10mph.

I predicted we could make it back in 30 mins.

Going .01mph.

The kids were not about to ditch their water spraying into your eyeballs glory.

So I lost and we marched to the park

"OK for TEN minutes only!"

I stared at the lug of machinery and questioned what to do.

So as a good Anthem patron,

I shoved it out of the bike path

and onto the grass.

I didn't want to block anyone's peaceful successful bike ride

with my roadside litter.

So there we left it while the kids played

and I hobbled along with crossed legs

and my hands securely at my sides

while hunched over

to hide my newly freed boobs.

Within 7 minutes,

the Anthem "police" in their Gator

came roaring past us and back up the bike path.

I naively thought,

gosh wonder what that's about.

Then I glanced back as the Gator

with it's ego filled flashing patrol lights

pulls over to the quad.

The man jumps out & begins to inspect it

while talking into his walkie talkie.

The other park parents

are now gawking at the man

inspecting a random quad in the grass.

My face started to turn red.

I held my head low

and humbly slithered my way over

to explain the situation

and get my fake ticket.

While still holding my ounce of clothing

to securely cover my nakedness underneath.

Naked Me: "Hello sir, that's my son's quad. It died on the way here. We live on the other side of the park"

Fake Policeman: "Well I got a call about a quad ON the grass.  You can't park it here!"

 Naked Me: (trying not to laugh) "I'm sorry sir. I didn't intend to "park" it here. It died."

Then he attempts to start it.

With the same ingenius method I tried.

I tried to hide my smug face

as he got the same result I did.

And yes I secretly took a picture.

I was trying so hard not to laugh at the

COMPLETE

AWKARDNESS

of all this.

And I was adding humor to my friends' night

by updating them on my pathetic plight.

I assured the man I'm fine and was just planning to push it home.

I'm not too far away.

And the quad is fairly light.

He must have felt bad that I had to REALLY pee

cuz I was standing there with my legs crossed

and my arms folded over my boobs.

When in reality I was just containing my lady parts from joining the conversation.

So he adamantly states,

"There is NO way I'm allowing you to push this home.

No offense, but I wasn't raised to let a lady do that stuff".

Normally I would have greatly appreciated

and complimented him on his rare chivalry and manners.

But me and my naked crotch just wanted left alone!

I assured him I was totally fine to push it and it really wasn't a big deal.

He held his ground.

Then he pulls out his walkie talkie again.

And as he calls "Bob",

he then tells me.

"It's no big deal. I just need to ask the Sheriff to come check it out and give his approval"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Seriously I'm OK!

I wanted to crawl my white butt into a hole.

It's pretty rare that I get embarrassed

since I have a sliver of pride left in me.

But this was one of those rare moments.

So I humbly excused myself to go gather up my rugrats

while he waited there for the Sheriff to arrive.

I literally had to drag the kids off the playground toys

while threatening through gritted teeth that the Anthem Police were impounding

the quad NOW if they didn't hurry.

They suddenly decided to listen to me and hurry back to the quad.

After what seemed like an hour (ok 5 mins),

the Sheriff arrived in his Gator

(seriously people does anyone drive normal cars around here!)

to discuss with the man helping me in his Gator

why there was a homeless family of 3 riding a mini quad

ON the grass.

Again I assured them I hadn't committed such a heinous crime

and that I was ON the bike path

prior to the death of the quad.

So the nice Gator man tells the old Gator man

that he just wants to load the quad into the back and drive it home for me.

The kids are now one in each Gator

flipping on lights and pressing buttons and horns.

I'm still awkwardly frozen with my legs crossed

while holding my girls.

The fake Sheriff relented and together they loaded up the quad.

While trying to be appreciative,

I could only keep thinking how I would have been HOME by now

securely in my own protective underwear

if I had just pushed the dang quad!

After the old man about got a hernia from lifting,

I offered my thanks and the Sheriff took off.

I awkwardly waited to see if the nice man

wanted me or the kids to ride in the Gator with him.

No such offer or suggestion came.

So I grabbed a kid in each hand and we started the long walk back.

With the nice man in Gator

slowly creeping along behind

watching my every giggling butt step.

Awesome.

So we walked.

And we walked.

And the kids ran and tackled each other in the grass.

And I hollered at them.

And then we walked some more.

Until we walked right up to my garage door.

My neighbors were stopped and gawking as well.

 I felt like I was in the Anthem Nudist Parade.

Should I wave

or just hang my head low?

If I only I had candy to throw to the crowds to distract them from the oddity of this.

So the nice man backed that Gator right up to my garage.

And unloaded the quad for me.

I graciously thanked him for his kindness

and offered him a cold water

to go along with the Peep Show.

He denied the water.

His thirst must have already been quenched.