A Different Kind of Christmas

My blog is my place to laugh,

focus on the positive,

document memories,

and smile.

Rarely I incorporate the darker side of life.

But we all know that's simply a part of life we all have.

As public as I may seem,

I'm actually a very private person.

It's not that I want to uphold an inaccurate perfect image.

It's simply that I would rather laugh than cry.

So that's what I choose to focus on.

I didn't think I was going to talk about this,

but I feel compelled to share.

Christmas was a very different experience for me this year.

It was the first time in my life that I wasn't in Idaho

or with any family; 

including my own children.

I'll admit.

I was completely utterly devastated.

My kids were with the Harbecks this year.

I was excited for them to share new experiences with that side of the family too.

However

when my kids are gone, 

a huge piece of my heart goes with them.

I'm never complete until they are back home with me.

Nothing will ever fill that void.

So although I tried to stay positive

and tried to force a smile,

I was holding back tears all day.

I was lost in my own world 

silently counting the minutes until my babies came home.

The Taylors opened their home and traditions to me.

I truly felt welcomed and loved.

Yet completely out of place at the same time.

It was that missing piece of my heart.

That thing in life that means the absolute most to me.

My children.
I'm a Mother.
First and foremost.

I'm learning that each hurdle of my new life will be challenging

 and I'm sure I'll adjust and cope.

But this one was the hardest thus far.

I humbly thank all of those that sent me an extra loving text or phone call.

I humbly thank the Taylors for taking my orphan self in.

I humbly thank my children for being so supportive even though they had no idea.

My heart became whole again at 7pm when my babies returned home.

I was instantly giddy, cheery and full of love.

The smile on my face was immeasurable.

The completeness I felt was immeasurable.
Even though they were over tired, over sugared, over stimulated & over grouchy.
They were home!

I especially thank Anden for the huge laugh he gave me that night.

Taylee was beyond tired and having a hard time going to bed.

Anden

(who isn't always the most sensitive and sharing)

says to her,

"Here Taylee you can sleep with my new Pogo stick to make you feel better"

While he heaves this huge cold piece of metal into bed with her.

My heart melted and I couldn't stop giggling.

And yes I snuck in later to take a picture.

What a Beautiful Christmas after all!
There truly is light waiting for you as every dark cloud passes.